Consequences

Coming up with the right consequence for misbehavior is one of the greatest parental challenges.  As parents, we provide consequences in order to help our children correct misbehavior while teaching them about the nature of choices.  However, sometimes our consequences are not effective.  In my experience, logical consequences are great at teaching a child about choices and correcting misbehavior.  For example, yesterday my two year old got upset while eating dinner and threw the plate (french fries, chicken nuggets and ketchup) on the floor.  My husband and I were shocked that our little one was developing quite a temper so soon.  Even though at first I felt like screaming because the floor, who had just been cleaned, was covered with ketchup; I took a deep breath and a minute to think about a logical consequence for this behavior.  Then, with a firm tone of voice I told my son that I didn't like him throwing food on the floor and that he needed to get wipes right away to clean it up.  To my surprise, even at two years of age, he absolutely understood and went for the wipes.  Of course, after cleaning the ketchup lagoon for a while, he got tired and stopped.  Then, I went to him and said: "Oh no, you need to clean all the mess.  If you don't like cleaning, then you don't throw it."  I had to help him but he did most of the work.  The next day, he was about to do it again when I said: "If you throw it, remember you will clean it.  Do you want to clean it?", to which he responded with a clear no.  I said: "Then, don't throw it." He didn't.

In my experience, logical consequences are the hidden treasure of behavior management.  People don't use them as often as they should and they work every time.  Instead, parents frequently use time-outs without realizing that they are only logical when the child needs a time out of a certain situation because he/she is misbehaving (ex. playgroup).  Otherwise, time-outs can become the easy way out because kids don't have to fix their mistake or practice doing it the right way.  With logical consequences, they not only fix their mistake but learn from the procedure. It's true that coming up with consequences that are logical takes a lot of creativity and on-the-spot improvisation, but once parents get used to it, it becomes second nature.