Playground manners

I still feel the pain of my son's encounter with rejection 20 min. ago.  It's one of those first timers you never forget, or at least that's how I feel now.  We were at a playground we seldom visit and my son was trying to play with three other kids his age. Since the other children were friends from school, they formed a "gang" and didn't want my son in their playgroup.  As I watched from a distance, I felt heartbroken.  "My baby is being left out and suffering", I thought.  I couldn't take it and wanted to intervene, but I also wanted my son to be confident and learn to handle situations such as this on his own.  Instead, I stayed close and watched the interaction to make sure things didn't get too mean.  The other mothers, whose kids were making fun and being mean to my son, were socializing on the other side of the park, so they were not aware of the situation. 

I have to admit that I had to intervene twice, once because safety was an issue and the other because the name calling got out of hand.  The rest of the time I watched from the sidelines trying to be unnoticed.  However, I noticed how my son used his words (not actions) and was very assertive in expressing his thoughts and feelings to the other children.  On several occasions he said: "That's not a nice thing to say" and "I don't like what you're saying."   Finally, one the other children's mother realized what was going on and intervened.  Then all the kids started playing and became friends.  When we left, I heard how one of the kids said to my son: "You are my friend. I will not forget you."  He was so happy.  He worked hard to play with the kids and now he was part of the gang....  Needless to say, I was extremely proud of him, not only because he stood up for himself, but because he was able to do it on his own.  Moreover, I was also proud of myself because watching my son being left out was a very hard thing to do, and instead of just reacting I was able to make this a learning experience for him.  He learned that being assertive pays back, and more important that he can stand up for himself.....  Sometimes you just have to step back.....

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