Yesterday I walk in the kitchen to find my toddler holding a butcher knife he found in the dishwasher. NOT GOOD!!! I wish they had dishwasher child locks, but I haven't found one that fits mine yet. As I walk towards him to get the very dangerous knife he was holding, I prepare myself for the huge tantrum awaiting. Toddlers don't like to be told what to do, it's part of the developmental stage they're in. They can only see things from their perspective while establishing themselves as separate entities. In other words, they want to do only what they want to do, no questions asked.... All things considered, I decided to take away the knife and deal with the tantrum later. Even though my background as a psychologist makes me more of a negotiator, I have one golden rule: "Safety is not negotiable." I proceed to take away the knife and ignite the expected tantrum. Believe it or not, in the midst of the screaming I told my son in a very calm voice that knives are not for playing because they're dangerous. Even if they don't seem to listen, it's a good idea to explain your behavior in a nice tone of voice because you model appropriate behavior. However, don't keep explaining yourself because then you reinforce the tantrum and you definitely don't want to do that. Of course, even after the explanation, my son kept on screaming and crying for a while, so I applied another golden rule: IGNORE TANTRUMS. Let me repeat myself, the BEST way to get rid of tantrum-like behavior is to ignore them because if you don't reward the behavior it becomes extinct (what an excellent word if you are referring to tantrums!!). After the yelling and screaming subsides, you can direct your child to another more appropriate behavior and hopefully that's the end of that. Also, tantrums will definitely diminish in duration if you're consistent enough in ignoring them, because kids eventually understand that when you turn way it means you are NOT giving in. All in all, when it comes to choosing between safety and tantrum-like behaviors, one should definitely go for the former. What's 2-5 minutes of tolerating screaming and crying when compared to an emergency room visit? Been there, done that! (plenty of times...) I'll take the screaming anytime. At least a tantrum only takes 5 minutes to go away (and no medication to administer!).
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