From a little brother's point of view, even a 5 year old seems huuuuge. My two year old consistently mentions his older brother does "big" things and he does "little" things. For example, the big pool, the big bike and the big scooter belong to his brother because he's "big," whereas he should stay in the baby pool, use the tricycle and the four wheeled scooter. Eventhough I agree that my 5 year old is able to use some things that his younger brother does not yet know how to use, it blows my mind to think that my 5 year old is still a baby in my eyes but a very capable and experienced child in my 2 year old's eyes. However, as parents, myself included, we sometimes fall into the "big brother trap" and place too much responsibility on the older child because the little one always follows. How many times have we heard someone say: "you have to set the example" or "it is your fault, because your brother learns that from you?" Although it is true that little brothers learn the good and the bad from the older ones, it should not be the oldest brother's but the parents responsibility to guide the behavior of siblings. The other day, my oldest son kept getting up from his chair during dinner and took forever to finish his food. Needless to say, his brother did the same. My first reaction was to only correct the behavior of my oldest son because I knew the little one would follow. I was wrong, and my son was the first one to correct me. They were both responsible for the same behavior and they both needed correction. It was MY responsibility to control both their behaviors' and not my oldest son's, so I proceeded to correct both their behaviors equally. Correcting only the oldest one would not only generate feelings of resentment but would teach the little one he is not responsible for the consequences of his behavior.
As parents, we sometimes forget to put ourselves in our children's shoes so we can understand the reason behind our kids feelings and behavior. However, if we put ourselves in our oldest child's shoes every once in a while, it is not only annoying to have someone copy our every move, but very upsetting when we get blamed for things we don't do ourselves, resulting in sibling rivalry and resentment. So next time you have to correct the behavior of a younger child, try not to use another child as reference. Instead, just label the behavior and correct it. Remember the little ones will always look up to the older siblings, but all of them will always look up to you....
